I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
