im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
