All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
