I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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