I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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