you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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