Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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