Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
