No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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