Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
