i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
