I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
