I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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