i think i have two assholes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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