You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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