I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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