Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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