idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
