My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
