This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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