You made me cry and you don't even care
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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