the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have feelings that need drinking.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
