We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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