i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize