My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize