these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
