omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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