I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
