I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
