FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
