Tell her she can't have a vagina
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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