I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
