I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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