Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
