Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
