He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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