Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
