it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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