guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
