finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
