she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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