i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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