I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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