and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
