I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
