so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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