I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
