shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
