..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
