he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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