Farmville is her only friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
