Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
