Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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