Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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