we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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