I didn't shave. On purpose
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
