She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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