barbara walters just said penis...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
