Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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