Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
