I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
