we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
