So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
