Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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