I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
