Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
