she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
FUCK WHALES
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