I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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