My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
