i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
