ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize