I wish I could punch you in the face.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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