Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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