pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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