Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
