Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
