if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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