There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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