you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
