According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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