If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
