Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
