My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
