My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
