they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
