I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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