I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
