glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
